I’m trying not to be too resentful or stressed out about today and what’s on the docket: his stupid cooking class, the assignment for live literacy tomorrow, something for movement, some more SplashLearn, and maybe a Spanish game. Then coordinating to get them outside early…
June 10 2020
How fast can a person’s life change? I read the above and think about that–of how long the patterns and structures of my life have been set in place by my obligations, by my fear of risk, by my narrow margin of error and by the rarity with which effort pays off.
Tuesday I met a deadline I never thought I would meet and it seemed like the work I did was actually the work I could be most proud of. Wednesday I took it easy and reoriented myself to non-deadline life for a few hours before turning my attention to a deadline for a job application; Thursday I tabled for Johanna Garcia and felt deeply connected to my city. That evening, while getting materials together for the job application, I stumbled across some year-old good news that was just then getting to me. Friday I got the materials together for my letter writers and got the car loaded for camping with our dear friends who are leaving the city in just a few days.
The lesson of this diary is really to start to recognize the rhythms in a life that too often feels reactive and structureless, tossed by currents. But really, if sitting in a stream over the weekend has taught me anything, the wise move is to learn to understand currents, to navigate them, to not fight them. In the best case scenario, my life isn’t going to change materially very quickly, and maybe not even very much. What can change quickly, and in a meaningful way, is how I think about things and talk about things, my own patterns and habits of mind. .
This insight comes out of the weekend in what at first glance, on Friday night, seemed to be a cul-de-sac campground, a b.y.o.-building subdivision. Saturday we were out of the campground for much of the day, in the river, staying cool. Then, when the campsites all emptied out on Sunday, it was our own private reserve, ferns and streams and mud and moss as far as they eye could see. We didn’t stay that night, though we could have. What a day to have had to ourselves.
What’s on the docket? Calming your mind. Connecting to land. Keeping your chin up. Showing your kids how to do the same. It’s my docket.
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